I start in January. I'll be a in a kindergarten class to start with; I don't know yet what my second session of student teaching will be in. I am stupid nervous, yo.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
So yeah, this happened...
I start in January. I'll be a in a kindergarten class to start with; I don't know yet what my second session of student teaching will be in. I am stupid nervous, yo.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Movie Review: The Halloween Franchise
Long story short, I hated it. With a vengeance, towards the end. Also towards the end I begin looking more and more like I'm about to die. Yay winter snifflies!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Vlogtober #30: TVs and Tatercats
So, Tater has this thing where she likes to snooze in front of the TV while we're watching our shows.
She only does this when we're watching TV. The rest of the time she has zero fucks to give to that area, aside from using it as a launchpad to jump on Pipcat. Soon as we sit down, though...
The only time it really causes a problem is when we're using the TV remote instead of the cable box remote. Then she's right in front of the signal receiver, and it's impossible to do anything through her fat little ass. But we can't get mad, because honestly - who could be mad at that squishy little furball?
She only does this when we're watching TV. The rest of the time she has zero fucks to give to that area, aside from using it as a launchpad to jump on Pipcat. Soon as we sit down, though...
The only time it really causes a problem is when we're using the TV remote instead of the cable box remote. Then she's right in front of the signal receiver, and it's impossible to do anything through her fat little ass. But we can't get mad, because honestly - who could be mad at that squishy little furball?
This is a cat who is so very pleased to be having a picture taken.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Vlogtober #19/20: Shark Week Movie Marathon - Wrong Turn
As most women will tell you, Shark Week sucks. I'm spending mine marathoning the Wrong Turn movies and sucking down Chef Boyardee and chocolate in absolutely shameful amounts.
My review of the first Wrong Turn is that, while not terribly good and with a glaringly obvious continuity error at the beginning (FLOWER NECKLACE, I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU) it's actually not bad. It's a combo of lost in the forest and deformed-cannibal movie, which is fine by me, and at least the hero doesn't do anything stupid other than that bit at the start where he completely fails to keep an eye on the road. However, he's calm, collected, thinks things through, and doesn't go rushing into situations all willy-nilly. Plus it has Eliza Dushku being Eliza Dushku, and that's always nice.
My review of the first Wrong Turn is that, while not terribly good and with a glaringly obvious continuity error at the beginning (FLOWER NECKLACE, I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU) it's actually not bad. It's a combo of lost in the forest and deformed-cannibal movie, which is fine by me, and at least the hero doesn't do anything stupid other than that bit at the start where he completely fails to keep an eye on the road. However, he's calm, collected, thinks things through, and doesn't go rushing into situations all willy-nilly. Plus it has Eliza Dushku being Eliza Dushku, and that's always nice.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Monday, October 13, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Bath Time: A Tragedy in One Act
ACT I
Enter Sam, a dork of the highest proportions; and Tater, a cat of tumblerous deeds
Sam has had a bad day. She has been feeling quite ill and out-of-sorts. Desirous of relaxation and a return to feeling at least sort of well, she runs a bath.
Exeunt Tater
Sam begins to enter the bath.
Enter ants of great multitude
Sam begins to wail in preparation for the battle ahead, not out of exasperation or anything.
Ants ignore the giant human.
Sam attempts to bathe in the knowledge that the ants can be disposed of upon leaving the bath. This knowledge fails to comfort, and she gives up, washes her hair and retreats from the bath.
After wrapping up in a towel, Sam begins to probe the darkest recesses of the house for a can of Fucking Raid. There are no cans of Fucking Raid. There are no boxes of Fucking Borax. But then...success! A freshly-purchased bottle of Fucking Toilet Bowl Cleaner With Bleach is located.
Ants fail to sense impending dooooom.
Sam laughs quietly to herself as she carefully douses the entrance of the ant brigade. The small insects are helpless before her bleachy onslaught, which not only defeats the pesky intruders but also whitens the dirty grout upon which they crawl.
Satisfied with a job well done, she leaves the small entrance with a healthy dousing of Fucking Toilet Bowl Cleaner With Bleach to forestall any adventurous ants that might attempt to retake the bath and retreats to her bedroom.
Exeunt ants
Exeunt Sam
Enter Sam and Tater for final bow and accolades
Enter Sam, a dork of the highest proportions; and Tater, a cat of tumblerous deeds
Sam has had a bad day. She has been feeling quite ill and out-of-sorts. Desirous of relaxation and a return to feeling at least sort of well, she runs a bath.
Exeunt Tater
Sam begins to enter the bath.
Enter ants of great multitude
Sam begins to wail in preparation for the battle ahead, not out of exasperation or anything.
Ants ignore the giant human.
Sam attempts to bathe in the knowledge that the ants can be disposed of upon leaving the bath. This knowledge fails to comfort, and she gives up, washes her hair and retreats from the bath.
After wrapping up in a towel, Sam begins to probe the darkest recesses of the house for a can of Fucking Raid. There are no cans of Fucking Raid. There are no boxes of Fucking Borax. But then...success! A freshly-purchased bottle of Fucking Toilet Bowl Cleaner With Bleach is located.
Ants fail to sense impending dooooom.
Sam laughs quietly to herself as she carefully douses the entrance of the ant brigade. The small insects are helpless before her bleachy onslaught, which not only defeats the pesky intruders but also whitens the dirty grout upon which they crawl.
Satisfied with a job well done, she leaves the small entrance with a healthy dousing of Fucking Toilet Bowl Cleaner With Bleach to forestall any adventurous ants that might attempt to retake the bath and retreats to her bedroom.
Exeunt ants
Exeunt Sam
Enter Sam and Tater for final bow and accolades
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
Some of My Favorites
I hadn't done one of these before, but I really enjoyed it. I love talking about my hoard. Who knew?
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
Meep.
So, I finally have an appointment to see someone in an actual psychiatric place instead of just my GP (which is itself just a nurse practitioner, because that's what you get when you're on Medi-CAL). Thing is, just the anticipation of the visit, and the trip to get there, has me in a panic state. What the fuck am I going to be like when I'm actually there?
I'm sure some of the fretting is due to the original visit (to check if I'm nuts enough to be allowed back, because sure, why not) where the lady was so horrible, condescending and, and, ...browbeating that I spent the week afterward vacillating between wanting to kill me and wanting to kill her. It has just colored my whole expectation of what this next visit is going to be like that I honestly don't know if what that doctor is going to see is a crying wreck, a shrieking monster, or just a shut-off, sniveling lump.
Anyway. I just don't fucking know, and the not-knowing combined with the expecting-horribleness is conspiring to give me the resting heart-rate of a hummingbird.
MUST BE TIME TO PAINT
I'm sure some of the fretting is due to the original visit (to check if I'm nuts enough to be allowed back, because sure, why not) where the lady was so horrible, condescending and, and, ...browbeating that I spent the week afterward vacillating between wanting to kill me and wanting to kill her. It has just colored my whole expectation of what this next visit is going to be like that I honestly don't know if what that doctor is going to see is a crying wreck, a shrieking monster, or just a shut-off, sniveling lump.
Anyway. I just don't fucking know, and the not-knowing combined with the expecting-horribleness is conspiring to give me the resting heart-rate of a hummingbird.
MUST BE TIME TO PAINT
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Friday the 13thses, part 2
A New Beginning. Which, already, come on people - have you ever even SEEN a graveyard? I mean, sure, it's a dream, but still. Also, totally not what Corey looks like grown up, or even might have looked like in a different life. Also also, that is a shit-ass van that institution drives.
Well they've got a symbolic rainbow flag under a sign with 'family tradition' all nice and bold. Well done, anonymous set-dresser!
Am not impressed with the professionalism displayed by the Pinehurst team. Can't wait for them all to die horribly.
OMG Reggie, you are so tiny and jive and adorable. Die horribly.
Step #1 in running a mental health center: DO NOT GIVE WEAPONS TO THE INMATES.
And tell me, Mr. Paramedic, how exactly have you managed to stay employed for more than a week?
Dude, how far you gonna walk? Do you think you'll find a magic outhouse?
Aw, Tommy has a temper like me. Adorbs!
Really? You went to work with no bra on? Classy. I'd say enjoy the saggy tits when you're my age, but since I doubt you'll make it that long...
I'm kinda disappointed. I thought WoodsyTits was gonna roll over and her head would fall off. No eyes is kind of..... boring.
Reggie's big brother totally wishes he was Michael Jackson in the Bad video. Can't decide whether it's cute or pathetic.
And here I thought a song involving the words 'oooh' and 'baby' couldn't get worse than Beiber.
Vi may be wearing a shirt while 'dancing' to 'music' but I can still see that we have yet another contestant in the Future Boob Sag competition.
Who the hell gets into bed that way?
Because why wear a bra when you're an administrator running around in a white blouse in the rain. I mean, that would just be silly.
Yes, I also think it's a bad sign in a slasher movie when titties are more interesting than the slashing. I think they're supposed to distract us from the badness of the movie, but there aren't enough boobs in the world to do that.
Finally! I was starting to think we wouldn't get any CorpseCandygrams in this one!
See, badly-dressed administrator lady? Did Reggie lay there and scream instead of trying to escape? No, he got himself a fucking 'dozer, cuz Reggie ain't no jive turkey. Too bad the both of you have still neglected the #1 rule of villians - STOVE THEIR FUCKING HEADS IN WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHANCE, YOU DUMB-ASS DUMMIES.
Chainsaw = good idea. Waiting around to get it restarted = bad idea. You could have just hit him in the head with it.
No, don't bother kicking the ladder away. Just let him keep climbing. It's totally fine.
Welp, that was purty darn bad. I'd maybe even rate it on a par with #3.
I'm not gonna watch another one just yet. That's how bad this one was.
Well they've got a symbolic rainbow flag under a sign with 'family tradition' all nice and bold. Well done, anonymous set-dresser!
Am not impressed with the professionalism displayed by the Pinehurst team. Can't wait for them all to die horribly.
OMG Reggie, you are so tiny and jive and adorable. Die horribly.
Step #1 in running a mental health center: DO NOT GIVE WEAPONS TO THE INMATES.
And tell me, Mr. Paramedic, how exactly have you managed to stay employed for more than a week?
Dude, how far you gonna walk? Do you think you'll find a magic outhouse?
Aw, Tommy has a temper like me. Adorbs!
Really? You went to work with no bra on? Classy. I'd say enjoy the saggy tits when you're my age, but since I doubt you'll make it that long...
I'm kinda disappointed. I thought WoodsyTits was gonna roll over and her head would fall off. No eyes is kind of..... boring.
Reggie's big brother totally wishes he was Michael Jackson in the Bad video. Can't decide whether it's cute or pathetic.
And here I thought a song involving the words 'oooh' and 'baby' couldn't get worse than Beiber.
Vi may be wearing a shirt while 'dancing' to 'music' but I can still see that we have yet another contestant in the Future Boob Sag competition.
Who the hell gets into bed that way?
Because why wear a bra when you're an administrator running around in a white blouse in the rain. I mean, that would just be silly.
Yes, I also think it's a bad sign in a slasher movie when titties are more interesting than the slashing. I think they're supposed to distract us from the badness of the movie, but there aren't enough boobs in the world to do that.
Finally! I was starting to think we wouldn't get any CorpseCandygrams in this one!
See, badly-dressed administrator lady? Did Reggie lay there and scream instead of trying to escape? No, he got himself a fucking 'dozer, cuz Reggie ain't no jive turkey. Too bad the both of you have still neglected the #1 rule of villians - STOVE THEIR FUCKING HEADS IN WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHANCE, YOU DUMB-ASS DUMMIES.
Chainsaw = good idea. Waiting around to get it restarted = bad idea. You could have just hit him in the head with it.
No, don't bother kicking the ladder away. Just let him keep climbing. It's totally fine.
Welp, that was purty darn bad. I'd maybe even rate it on a par with #3.
I'm not gonna watch another one just yet. That's how bad this one was.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Friday the 13thses, transferred over from Facebook because for some reason I can't stop exposing myself to the stupidity
#1: OK, I'm now watching Friday the 13th and understand the true meaning of yelling at the dumbass characters to stop being such dumbasses.
WHY DID YOU BYPASS THE GIANT PIECES OF WOOD IN FAVOR OF EMPTY CARDBOARD BOXES?!
WHY DO YOU KEEP THROWING YOUR WEAPONS AWAY?!
SHE RAN PAST YOU. GET IN A BOAT, TAKE *ALL* THE OARS, AND GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE.
I SAID STOP THROWING AWAY YOUR WEAPONS
FUCKING HIT HER AGAIN UNTIL SHE'S DEAD
OH, OK, STOP AND STARE AT THE SKY ALL DREAMILY INSTEAD OF, YES, GETTING IN THE DAMN BOAT
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Good lord, at least with the Hellraiser movies you can just stop at DON'T OPEN THE---OK, YOU OPENED THE BOX, IT'S ALL ON YOU NOW, BYE. So much easier on the larynx.
#2: ::starts watching FT13 part 2::
GODDAMMIT YOU PUTZ I HAVE TO WATCH YOU AGAIN? ALSO WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE SOFTER SIDE OF SEARS ARRGH ARRGH ARRGH I THINK I NEED TO BE DRUNK TO WATCH THIS SERIES.
::makes drink::
::comes back::
::putz dies::
IT WORKED!
Oh, honey. Half your shirt seems to have fallen off and OH DEAR GOD WHY CAN I SEE YOUR RIBS THROUGH YOUR BACK
Once again, the chance to stove his brains in is ignored in favor of stumbling away idiotically.
#3: OK. Here we go. Friday the 13th part 3, supposedly the worst after Jason in Space or whatever it's called. I SHALL BE THE JUDGE JUDY AND EXECUTIONER.
OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THEME SONG (I just might be in love with the shitty 80s-ness of it. Shut up.)
1st genuine scare of the series - man investigating, about to get BOOM HELLO DOVE DON'T MIND THE WINDOW HIT IT HARD AS YOU LIKE I DON'T MIND
Really? You wanted people to be grossed out by an eyeball in 3D and you didn't even make it a bloody one? COP-OUT.
Axe to the head! Better! Now stop staring, pull the axe out and do it a few more times......nope, you're going to go sit near a boat and stare dreamily into the night. I feel as though we've been here before...
Hon, the water is like three feet deep. Just get out of the fucking boat.
AAAAAAAAAAAND CRISPIN GLOVER IT MAY OFFICIALLY BE THE BEST ONE YET (haha, 'best')
"Some emergency." Yeah, shame about the massive pile of dead bodies. Don't worry, it's not, like, a tragedy or anything.
::sings:: BOUNCY BOUNCY, OOOH WHAT A FUN TIME!
What the hell is that font on the news channel? Who made it, a stoned intern?
Speaking of, who made this exercise video? Poison?
Hey, I see you're jogging. I like to wear a bra when I jog. But to each their own, I guess.
OMG IT'S A BABY COREY AAAAAAAAA LOOK AT HIS WIDDLE CHEEKS!
DOUBLE OMG CRISPIN YOU ARE SO BOOTIFUL
Really? That enormous house only has two bedrooms?
Right after a mass murder is EXACTLY when I would bring a mysterious hitchhiker home.
Crispin, you are a most majestic dancer.
Oh, so Tom usually leaves the door open? Good to know. SAFETY FIRST, Y'ALL.
THAT IS THE SINGLE WORST EXAMPLE OF SHOTGUNNING A BEER I HAVE EVER WITNESSED.
Hey greaser, if you wanna have sex maybe you should try talking to them like women instead of kindergartners.
HAHAHAHAHAHA dick grab.
NOOOO NOT CRISPIN'S BOOTIFUL FAAAAACE!
Girl, that hair be lookin' nasty. Maybe you should wash it before you get out of the shower and die.
Why...? Woman, you've dried zero of your hairs. Pick that up and try again.
Hey, maybe instead of going into the house you know has been hit by Jason, maybe go back to the ten year old you left all alone. Also, you don't seem too concerned about your missing mother what with a murderer on the loose. Were you guys not getting along?
LISTEN TO THE FUCKING DOG
Sure, let's go back down the stairs towards where we just watched dude get murdered and then stand there so the murderer can come after us. THE DOG IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND HE'S GOT A BRAIN THE SIZE OF A ... A ... A VERY SMALL BRAIN.
What is it with Jason throwing people through windows? Is it his version of a candygram?
maybe instead of telling him to run like hell, you could have him help you, I dunno, STOVE JASON'S HEAD IN WHAT A CONCEPT
Hey, she finally listened to the dog! Well done. But maybe get up before you die of either Jason or drowning.
Is Jason made of wax? Only reason I can think of for his face slowly falling apart over the course of these first movies. Also, good job, Baby!Corey. Head-stoved-in achievement: unlocked! Have fun in therapy.
OK, that's enough terrible 80s flicks for one day. Time for some MahJong Titans and Queen.
WHY DID YOU BYPASS THE GIANT PIECES OF WOOD IN FAVOR OF EMPTY CARDBOARD BOXES?!
WHY DO YOU KEEP THROWING YOUR WEAPONS AWAY?!
SHE RAN PAST YOU. GET IN A BOAT, TAKE *ALL* THE OARS, AND GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE.
I SAID STOP THROWING AWAY YOUR WEAPONS
FUCKING HIT HER AGAIN UNTIL SHE'S DEAD
OH, OK, STOP AND STARE AT THE SKY ALL DREAMILY INSTEAD OF, YES, GETTING IN THE DAMN BOAT
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Good lord, at least with the Hellraiser movies you can just stop at DON'T OPEN THE---OK, YOU OPENED THE BOX, IT'S ALL ON YOU NOW, BYE. So much easier on the larynx.
#2: ::starts watching FT13 part 2::
GODDAMMIT YOU PUTZ I HAVE TO WATCH YOU AGAIN? ALSO WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE SOFTER SIDE OF SEARS ARRGH ARRGH ARRGH I THINK I NEED TO BE DRUNK TO WATCH THIS SERIES.
::makes drink::
::comes back::
::putz dies::
IT WORKED!
Oh, honey. Half your shirt seems to have fallen off and OH DEAR GOD WHY CAN I SEE YOUR RIBS THROUGH YOUR BACK
Once again, the chance to stove his brains in is ignored in favor of stumbling away idiotically.
#3: OK. Here we go. Friday the 13th part 3, supposedly the worst after Jason in Space or whatever it's called. I SHALL BE THE JUDGE JUDY AND EXECUTIONER.
OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THEME SONG (I just might be in love with the shitty 80s-ness of it. Shut up.)
1st genuine scare of the series - man investigating, about to get BOOM HELLO DOVE DON'T MIND THE WINDOW HIT IT HARD AS YOU LIKE I DON'T MIND
Really? You wanted people to be grossed out by an eyeball in 3D and you didn't even make it a bloody one? COP-OUT.
OMG only halfway through and this one does indeed suck massively hard.
Really? The best way you could think to utilize 3D in a horror film is with fucking POPCORN?
When you fail at a head-squeezing, you have truly failed.
When you fail at a head-squeezing, you have truly failed.
Again? Really? THERE IS NO POINT BARRICADING A DOOR WHEN YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY FUCKING GLASS HOW DO YOU PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND HOW WINDOWS WORK
OK, I know the Doctor said books are the greatest weapon in the universe, BUT NOT LIKE THAT GET A FUCKING AXE YOU LAMEASS
Oooooh, see, no JASON'S got an axe because he may be insane but he's still smarter than you fuckwits.....and hey, you've bothered to take an available weapon! Finally your sense of self-preservation gets an outing!
.................never mind. You fucktard.
Sure. Stand around looking in the windows. It's not like, say, you could climb a fucking tree and watch him run around all invisible-like.
Oh good, you hit him with a block of wood. But what's this? You're not taking the time to stove his head in? Quelle surprise!
Oh good, you hit him with a shovel. But what's this? You're not taking the time to stove his head in and are instead hanging him and assuming he's dead? He's NOT dead, you say? Truly, my surprise has much quelle.
Axe to the head! Better! Now stop staring, pull the axe out and do it a few more times......nope, you're going to go sit near a boat and stare dreamily into the night. I feel as though we've been here before...
Hon, the water is like three feet deep. Just get out of the fucking boat.
Sigh. That was everything I'd thought it'd be and less. Oh well, must be time for #4!
#4: "The Final Chapter". HAHAHAHAHAHA That's the only intentionally funny part so far. It's intentional, right?
HOLY SHIT THIS ONE HAS A COREY! SCORE!
HOLY SHIT THIS ONE HAS A COREY! SCORE!
AAAAAAAAAAAND CRISPIN GLOVER IT MAY OFFICIALLY BE THE BEST ONE YET (haha, 'best')
"Some emergency." Yeah, shame about the massive pile of dead bodies. Don't worry, it's not, like, a tragedy or anything.
::sings:: BOUNCY BOUNCY, OOOH WHAT A FUN TIME!
What the hell is that font on the news channel? Who made it, a stoned intern?
Speaking of, who made this exercise video? Poison?
Hey, I see you're jogging. I like to wear a bra when I jog. But to each their own, I guess.
OMG IT'S A BABY COREY AAAAAAAAA LOOK AT HIS WIDDLE CHEEKS!
DOUBLE OMG CRISPIN YOU ARE SO BOOTIFUL
Really? That enormous house only has two bedrooms?
Right after a mass murder is EXACTLY when I would bring a mysterious hitchhiker home.
Crispin, you are a most majestic dancer.
Oh, so Tom usually leaves the door open? Good to know. SAFETY FIRST, Y'ALL.
THAT IS THE SINGLE WORST EXAMPLE OF SHOTGUNNING A BEER I HAVE EVER WITNESSED.
Hey greaser, if you wanna have sex maybe you should try talking to them like women instead of kindergartners.
HAHAHAHAHAHA dick grab.
NOOOO NOT CRISPIN'S BOOTIFUL FAAAAACE!
Girl, that hair be lookin' nasty. Maybe you should wash it before you get out of the shower and die.
Why...? Woman, you've dried zero of your hairs. Pick that up and try again.
Hey, maybe instead of going into the house you know has been hit by Jason, maybe go back to the ten year old you left all alone. Also, you don't seem too concerned about your missing mother what with a murderer on the loose. Were you guys not getting along?
LISTEN TO THE FUCKING DOG
Sure, let's go back down the stairs towards where we just watched dude get murdered and then stand there so the murderer can come after us. THE DOG IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND HE'S GOT A BRAIN THE SIZE OF A ... A ... A VERY SMALL BRAIN.
What is it with Jason throwing people through windows? Is it his version of a candygram?
maybe instead of telling him to run like hell, you could have him help you, I dunno, STOVE JASON'S HEAD IN WHAT A CONCEPT
Hey, she finally listened to the dog! Well done. But maybe get up before you die of either Jason or drowning.
Is Jason made of wax? Only reason I can think of for his face slowly falling apart over the course of these first movies. Also, good job, Baby!Corey. Head-stoved-in achievement: unlocked! Have fun in therapy.
OK, that's enough terrible 80s flicks for one day. Time for some MahJong Titans and Queen.
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