Thursday, June 12, 2014

Friday the 13thses, part 2

A New Beginning. Which, already, come on people - have you ever even SEEN a graveyard? I mean, sure, it's a dream, but still. Also, totally not what Corey looks like grown up, or even might have looked like in a different life. Also also, that is a shit-ass van that institution drives.

Well they've got a symbolic rainbow flag under a sign with 'family tradition' all nice and bold. Well done, anonymous set-dresser!

Am not impressed with the professionalism displayed by the Pinehurst team. Can't wait for them all to die horribly.

OMG Reggie, you are so tiny and jive and adorable. Die horribly.

Step #1 in running a mental health center: DO NOT GIVE WEAPONS TO THE INMATES.

And tell me, Mr. Paramedic, how exactly have you managed to stay employed for more than a week?

Dude, how far you gonna walk? Do you think you'll find a magic outhouse?

Aw, Tommy has a temper like me. Adorbs!

Really? You went to work with no bra on? Classy. I'd say enjoy the saggy tits when you're my age, but since I doubt you'll make it that long...

I'm kinda disappointed. I thought WoodsyTits was gonna roll over and her head would fall off. No eyes is kind of..... boring.

Reggie's big brother totally wishes he was Michael Jackson in the Bad video. Can't decide whether it's cute or pathetic.

And here I thought a song involving the words 'oooh' and 'baby' couldn't get worse than Beiber.

Vi may be wearing a shirt while 'dancing' to 'music' but I can still see that we have yet another contestant in the Future Boob Sag competition.

Who the hell gets into bed that way?

Because why wear a bra when you're an administrator running around in a white blouse in the rain. I mean, that would just be silly.

Yes, I also think it's a bad sign in a slasher movie when titties are more interesting than the slashing. I think they're supposed to distract us from the badness of the movie, but there aren't enough boobs in the world to do that.

Finally! I was starting to think we wouldn't get any CorpseCandygrams in this one!

See, badly-dressed administrator lady? Did Reggie lay there and scream instead of trying to escape? No, he got himself a fucking 'dozer, cuz Reggie ain't no jive turkey. Too bad the both of you have still neglected the #1 rule of villians - STOVE THEIR FUCKING HEADS IN WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHANCE, YOU DUMB-ASS DUMMIES.

Chainsaw = good idea. Waiting around to get it restarted = bad idea. You could have just hit him in the head with it.

No, don't bother kicking the ladder away. Just let him keep climbing. It's totally fine.

Welp, that was purty darn bad. I'd maybe even rate it on a par with #3.

 I'm not gonna watch another one just yet. That's how bad this one was.

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