Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Bath Time: A Tragedy in One Act


Enter Sam, a dork of the highest proportions; and Tater, a cat of tumblerous deeds

Sam has had a bad day. She has been feeling quite ill and out-of-sorts. Desirous of relaxation and a return to feeling at least sort of well, she runs a bath.

Exeunt Tater

Sam begins to enter the bath.

Enter ants of great multitude

Sam begins to wail in preparation for the battle ahead, not out of exasperation or anything.

Ants ignore the giant human.

Sam attempts to bathe in the knowledge that the ants can be disposed of upon leaving the bath. This knowledge fails to comfort, and she gives up, washes her hair and retreats from the bath.

After wrapping up in a towel, Sam begins to probe the darkest recesses of the house for a can of Fucking Raid. There are no cans of Fucking Raid. There are no boxes of Fucking Borax. But then...success! A freshly-purchased bottle of Fucking Toilet Bowl Cleaner With Bleach is located.

Ants fail to sense impending dooooom.

Sam laughs quietly to herself as she carefully douses the entrance of the ant brigade. The small insects are helpless before her bleachy onslaught, which not only defeats the pesky intruders but also whitens the dirty grout upon which they crawl.

Satisfied with a job well done, she leaves the small entrance with a healthy dousing of Fucking Toilet Bowl Cleaner With Bleach to forestall any adventurous ants that might attempt to retake the bath and retreats to her bedroom.

Exeunt ants

Exeunt Sam

Enter Sam and Tater for final bow and accolades 

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